Day 35

Well today was day 1 of step 2. So it's 2 pills 3 times a day with/after food. So I heard some bad things about the pills that they make your stomach hurt and all that jazz. So I was determined not to let it get to me, so I got plenty of sleep last night and this morning made myself breakfast. I cut up and apple, and set out a glass of water and a glass of apple juice. I ate a cup of granola almond cereal and made 3 scrambled eggs. Ate the cereal and half of the eggs and took the first pill, drank half the water and half the juice. Finished the eggs and took the second pill, drank the rest of the juice and water, then ate an apple....Then I had that full stomach feeling from drinking so much...lol..go figure, and the stomach pain lasted about five minutes but it was very mild so I just sat down and took some deep breaths and then I was fine. I had the same really minor stomach pain after lunch and after dinner I was fine...I think making sure to eat enough and drinking plenty is definately the key....but don't let the pills sit in your mouth cuz it starts to taste like chlorine...bleh. Anyway...so far so good for day 1 of step 2....aside from other life drama things are good.....I've just had a huge financial burden thrown at me so it's going to be tight and stressful within the next few months.....and my birthday is coming up and it just seems like everyone is willing to get together but only if I plan it myself. all my friends are married with kids but me and I always get put on the back burner because everyone has a family, so now I feel stressed and unloved......I just feel really crappy. I'm tired of having a medeocre life. I started talking to this guy and I realized that I'm really pissed at guys.....I feel like I can't trust them. Just when you think you can, they give you STD's. They lie, cheat and steal to get what they want and I feel totally betrayed by people.....I'm a people person, I need to have relationships and I need to be able to care about others, and I feel like I can't and it makes me really sad. Now I'm going to be another year older and I'm going to feel the same way about the same crap....and it's just another year that my life plan is slipping away. I should be married already, or at least know who I'm going to marry.....but no, I have no one, I'm alone. And I'll continue to be alone cuz now I don't know how to have a relationship with people that doesn't involve being angry and hurt and scared.....Having STD's is like being raped..Not that I've been raped, but you have the fear of, who did this to me, why me, will I ever be able to trust again, will the physical and emotional scars ever heal......will I be able to have a normal relationship....and the secrecy of not being able to tell anyone. How did I get here? .....man, I'm on the last day of my period and it's been a roller coaster, I've been insanely irritable and today I'm really emotional......I hate being a girl